Stars Found Under the Coffee Table

Astrology is a language. If you understand this language, the sky speaks to you.

Dane Rudhyar

When I was little, my mother would often leave me at grandparents' home for the kindergarten/school breaks. I didn't protest. And in a way, I like spending time at my grandparents. There were a lot of books - a whole library, in every room, and many curious things my (now late) aunt would bring from her trips to Germany. Back in the day it was my treasure island amidst unexciting Belarusian reality.

There, in my grandparents four room apartment, I would spend most of my vacation indoors - playing with whatever I'd find. A few toys, souvenirs and postcards from Germany, my grandma's beads and my aunt's bijou, my grandpa's encyclopaedias and my mom's library...

I couldn't read back then - but it wouldn't stop me from grabbing a book from the shelf, scrolling through it in search of pictures, and if there were none, I'd play a game that I'm some sort of teacher giving a lesson on a subject I don't know - but just having the book in my hand and making up its contents on the go was so fun in my child's imagination.

My grandma would be gone most of the day - running errands around the city (Sagittarius Sun). I'd stay with my grandpa, and while he was watching TV in the living room all day, barely leaving his spot on the couch, I'd play around. Most often I'd sit on a small stool at the coffee table, near my grandpa's couch, drawing. Considering how short I am now, back then coffee table suited me for a decent desk. It was my "work station" to kill time at grandparent's while low key listening to another episode of "Columbo".

Under a coffee table, there was a whole bunch of random stuff: scissors (not for the kids!), old newspapers, garden magazines, pens I'd snatch to draw, needs and pins my grandma would use often, and always a pair of extra glasses. Still don't know what they were doing there, not used. Among all this miscellaneous rubbish, I found a thin dark navy coloured soft cover book, called "Гороскопы" (Horoscopes).

This is how, but sheer accident, among coffee table trash, I discovered my passion for astrology.

It's a shame that I realized it only after my grandfather died. 
He was a Pisces, 12th sign of the Zodiac, finishing the Zodiac cycle. The void, nothingness, emptiness, spirituality, being everywhere and nowhere at once. Pisces taught me the importance of solitude, abandon, and sitting still with ourselves, alone.
When me and my grandpa would stay at home together, we would be alone - completely by ourselves, immersed into our own worlds. We barely talked - perfect for deep immersion into books, TV shows, games, drawings, or... horoscopes.

Unable to read, I couldn't make much sense of what was written in thin paperback book. However, the little booklet had images: animals, those of Chinese Zodiac - 12 signs, and constellations - those of Western Zodiac. I'd spot my sign instantly - cause every adult around me would somehow mention my sun sign to met at some point or give me a Zodiac themed gift for a birthday, lol.

Seems like astrology was spiking in post-soviet world of early 2000s.

I never knew how the book appeared under my grandparents' coffee table, nor to whom it belonged to. But each time I'd visit my grandparents, I would find it and pick it up, now able to read, I would dive deep into the description of each sign, starting from signs of my family and friends, and ofc, myself: Fire Rat and Cancer Sun (back then I had no idea about natal chart, human design, numerology, Tarot and other esoterica stuff).

But that was my early gateway into spirituality. I never knew why I liked astrology so much, especially being so young. Perhaps, my obsession with animals at the time (to the point I'd collected 10+ books about them) and fantasy worlds (from fairytales and fables, to Harry Potter and Lord of The Rings) matched well the themes of astrology. I didn't know anything about symbolism, but soon enough I became curious in mythology (my grandpa had a mythological dictionary - again, HOW?), particularly, Egyptian and Far East myths. From there on, I would read and fantasize about creatures I found on the book pages, recreating the myths I read about on the blank album pages, drawing, creating my own stories with them.

So does Astrology. Telling stories about us through creatures (Zodiacs) or archetypes, coded in our psyche.

I didn't know it back then of course, when discovered stars under the coffee table feeling bored by Columbo (and no, I didn't get to watch Knights of the Zodiac: Saint Seiya).

Now, 20 years later, as I am approaching my first Saturn return, and publicly 'coming out' about my long held and well hidden passion for Astrology, I know a bit more on the subject and perhaps, will be addressing astrology often in this blog. I continue to be as a student - yet also as the mother - of the Universe, slowly getting my lessons from life around and following my passions. I reached the point where I want to combine a passion for writing with a passion for Astrology, Tarot, and overall mystical esoterica stuff.

Brace yourselves. More mumbo jumbo posts are coming.

When your heart and your mind aligns, you can move mountains.

Or a very heavy hardcover 700 pages Astrology book. Not from underneath the coffeeshop table now - but from one country to another.