Scars

Been wasting all my time

Picking at my scars

I should be out there

Counting all my stars

Ruby Hunt

Like everyone, I have scars. Two next to my right (left?) eye, from what I know, one above the other.

The first, right in the corner of my eyelid, I got at the age of 3. I hot myself against a table corner when head banging to Kiss "Rock'n'Roll All Night" picking up a toy underneath it.

SLAM!

Warm liquid runs against my baby fat cheek, burning pain follows. It's hard to see.

The next second my mom grabs me and rushes to bathroom with my on hands and the first thing I see in the mirror is almost horror movie like image: half of my face covered in blood.

Yes, I had blood phobia for a while after that incident. And was very careful with table angles since then, making my mom crawl underneath to pick up toys for me. Now my cat does the same to me. it.

The second scar landed just above, along my brow side, 15 years later. I was learning to cycle, and my dad thought I was skilful enough to practice sharp turns on along metal porches on the kids playground.

I wasn't. I couldn't manage one of these turns, panicked, and smashed my head against ametal porch.

3 hours, my father's storm of emotional curses, gallon of tears and two stitches after, I thought "I will never ride a bike again".

Yet, I just got home after a 10 km ride back home from the train station. Chill.

Those are the two physical scars on my body i am aware of, not to count numerous scratches my dear cat gives me from time to time.

And those on my heart, I don't know how many have been there.

Honestly, I don't think much about it, but sometimes they expose themselves. Like yesterday, when we were doing intuitive painting with Aneta, the heart I put on canvas have been perfectly round and smooth, until I folder the paper for mixing already painted side with clean one, to make a "stamp". When I opened it up again, the heart I drew with pastel, was covered with cracks and irregular lines.

- They look like scars, - Aneta commented.

"Indeed", - I thought. - "But I don't recall putting them there".

- You know, my mom would say, "Your have a gentle heart and it will be hurt.Over and over again. Each time a scar will appear on it. But you know, scars heal. And then, the heart grows bigger. The more the scars, the bigger your heart would get as it heals".

- Well that explains why your heart has taken the whole canvas.